I made peace with my boobs.

I remember when I went to the mall with my boyfriend at the time, Mike. It was at the beginning of my 7th grade year. I was wearing a black t-shirt, a skirt and a beige B-cup bra. When my mom came to pick me up outside of Dillards (It had just changed from a Joske's), I ran to the car and noticed that my boobs were sitting outside of my bra. My mom took one look, and went back inside the store with me. We went to the bra department where I was fitted with a DD. That is when my life changed. I was so ashamed. I had been teased about my size before, but I didn't realize that I was different until that day. So weird, that I would remember those details. I started slouching all the time, now I literally have the beginnings of a hump on my back. I knew that my bra's weren't fitting anymore, but until I bounced all the way out, I had lived with the spillage.
Shortly after that, rumors started that I had cancer, that I stuffed my bra,that I slept around, and that sort of thing. I was really hurt. Boys were equally interested and mean to me. Men on the other hand, took notice. I recognized sometime in the middle of my 7th grade year, how powerful I could be as a girl. I was approached more by older boys, and men than guys my own age. While I felt powerful, I was also intensely ashamed and shy about my body. Until recently, I still was. During make out sessions and intimate moments, I kept my bra on and the lights off. Even after I was married, there was something that kept me from confidently being topless. Even during breast exams, I felt apologetic about the way I looked and tried to push up to make them look less saggy. It seems ridiculous now.
Two weeks before Charlie was born, I went to the hospital lactation center to look at bras. The lactation consultants work there and offered to help me. They just pulled back the curtain and I wanted to cover up.

Anyway, when I started nursing Charlie, something changed dramatically. My breasts are no longer a symbol of my imperfections and inadequacy. I am proud that I have been able to feed my baby girl. They are perfect! I don't nurse in public, not because of my shame, but because I don't want other people to be uncomfortable. Never in my life, would I have thought I would expose myself so freely in front of my friends and family and in places like the car and dressing rooms. I am now a 38 H. The great thing about having huge, droopy boobs is that I can feed her while she is laying in my lap and side-lying nursing is simple. I don't even have to roll over to change sides. I do want a reduction after I finish nursing my last baby, until then I will deal with the back and neck pain.