I went to CVS to pick some stuff up and they had a great deal on diapers and I had a coupon so I grabbed a box. The cashier was smiling at C and told me how lucky I was to just have one since she had twins and they are so expensive. Wow, lucky huh? I got in my car and cried. I am thankful to have C, I just wish that #2 was still with us. A year ago I was pregnant with two little babies, and now I have just one. M and I wonder what life would have been like with two. I feel like someone is missing. I understand that the benefit of having just C, is that she is the center of our universe. She sleeps with us and having another in the bed would have made things a little tighter. I love nursing her and that would be more complicated with two. Still I would deal with it all happily, to have #2 with us. I look at that picture of her/him when we did IVF and I just wonder what he/she would have been like, looked like, grown up to be. Right now, C is sleeping next to me with her hand behind her head. I just want to kiss her and snuggle with her, because I love her so much! We can't wait to have another baby, but I am going to cherish my alone time with C while I have it, since that is my reality.
I am going to go snuggle C, I am sure she will be up in a minute to eat. She has reverted back to her old eating schedule, I read that this happens at 4 months, but I didn't believe it.
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1 comment:
awww Debbie. so sorry you are going through that. It does get easier with time but you never forget.
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