The whole friend who got the abortion thing made me really bitter. So, I took a break for a while. We are still trying on our own, but I know that it won't work. I should start my next cycle in a day or two.
The problem is that people with good intentions put false hope in your head. I have probably been guilty of this. The "just relax", "I had a friend that.... and got pregnant". That really pisses me off. I start to buy into the whole "when you least expect it."
Well, between the Lupus, endometriosis, tangled fimbrea, and everything else... IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I will be lucky if IVF works.
So, I took a break from blogging, because it seems I am having trouble not being bitter.
I am so tired of BFN's. I take way too many tests and I take them too early, but I can't help myself.
Pity party over...
I am having a consult with a new RE in about two weeks. I like my current RE, but his record keeping sucks and I have been sent to collections by the lab, because they have requested office notes from June, and never received them. My insurance denied the claim, and when I called for the office notes from all of my visits my RE's front office person said she couldn't find them. I paid the $25.00 record fee and received 14 pages of information. WTF? I had an HSG, a lap and a hysteroscopy, two monitored cycles with injectables and an IUI and that is all he has. Mind you, one page was the histology report, one was the HSG report from the radiologist, and there were two pages of ultrasound reports and the rest were records of phone conversations.
I am going to call tomorrow and try to talk to someone else. Iam just so frustrated with this whole thing.
DH still hasn't found a job. Grrrr... I want to scream. You can tell why I took a few months off, I am about to explode. I am tired, I am frustrated, I want the life I expected to have.
I try not to feel sorry for myself, because I am blessed in so many ways. I am going to rest and write more tomorrow. I think I am just hormonal.
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4 comments:
Pray to St Gerard.....including for women who abandon their children, their hearts never forgive them
re: endo
Painful sex / bowel movements can be related to endo in the cul-de-sac / pouch of douglas, located between the rectum and vagina.
These are some great sites, surgery can help. Endo can get worse without surgery :(
centerforendo.com (they're great!)
endometriosissurgeon.com
endoexcision.com
pelvicpain.com
endo-resolved.com
erc.activboard.com/
endo101.com
johnleemd.com
endometriosis.org
naprotechnology.com
fertilitycare.org
http://www.womensinternational.com/ask_a_pharmacist.html
http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/supplements.html
http://www.pelvicpain.org.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=383
I am really sorry to see you are 'pro-choice' - you are pro-abortion. You need to look at what has brought you to this place, where you want children but don't appreciate how a 'wanted' baby is as perfect as an 'unwanted' baby. Did you try to help your friend have the baby adopted? I know of sites where parents desperately want to adopt....
I am sad for you and for your 'friend' - it's a rough thing to be pregnant and not knowing what to do, and you didn't help her think about having the baby adopted. This is where you need to examine your 'pro-choice' standpoint. Pro-choice to what? for the mother to kill her baby,not matter her age or the baby's age. The baby has no choice. You need to think about what you really believe in, and why God should be on your side. He gives the gift of childhood to people, they shouldn't reject it ever through abortion.
Um Deb I don't know what to say about the other comments here, but I did want to just welcome you back to blogging. I'm glad you're getting a second opinion, even if it's just because of the office staff...I can't believe you got sent to collections what a PITA. I still occasionally get bills from Dr. G so I too have no idea what is going on with their billing. Good luck with your second consult and try not to let the crap get you down. I think of you often and wish you all the best always. You have my email.
Hi
It sounds like you may be discovering that you are going in the wrong direction, read on. Lupus is an autoimmune disease; these diseases are interesting and scary there are approximately 80 to 100 with another 40 waiting for a name. Medical science cannot explain why and has not found a cure for even one. You can trigger one of them just by having an auto accident, taking aspirin, medication or by starting a new exercise routine, even too much stress says latest research. Have you changed anything in your life, "Look for the root, it is in the basics beginning with what is on your fork, what toxins are in your body, what exercise do you do, what stress is in your life, what is your spiritual base". Scientific arrogance has led us down the wrong path we better stop and take a close look at what is happening. This month 144 new chemicals which are part of the Lupus problem will be added too industry with no oversight control at all. Autoimmune disease is the worst kind of contradiction; for a Lupus sufferer you are attacking your own body with your immune system, a world upside down. Here is a challenge, on a piece of paper write down as many diseases as you can think of then put them as a search on Google with the word epidemic, you will see that almost all of them are. Is anyone in modern medicine awake?
Sincerely
Paul
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