My perfect marriage and money

Not so perfect. Like every couple. M and I are hitting some bumps in the road. He has been out of work for almost 7 months. It is not the money, because we would be fine forever on my salary. We have no debt except for the house, and we don't owe that much on it. Both cars are paid for.

I am not the kind of person that asks a lot of DH. I don't want or need fancy jewelry, nice cars, designer clothes, or expensive purses. In fact on birthdays and holidays, I would rather he put money in the bank for a trip, then buy me anything. I take really good care of him.


I would hope that my greatest gift to DH is that he doesn't have to kill himself trying to give me material things. Money in the bank is plenty, a nice retirement, and no debt. That is all I have every asked for. It would be great if we lived really comfortably in retirement like my parents do, but, I just want security. I want my husband home.

So, he is set on taking the job in San Antonio. How did we get here?

We are planning on starting IVF procedures this month. He will freeze his sample. And I will get someone to take me to the egg retrieval (which is a surgery by the way) and the transfer. He won't even be in the city when I hopefully, get pregnant. He won't be here when I find out if I am pregnant. He won't be here when I am devastated if we don't get pregnant. He won't be here if I miscarry, or if I have a medical emergency. I will have to hire a caretaker if I am on bed rest. The time that I would need him most, he will be working in another city for less than he was making here. Much less, if you count that he has to pay for his own living expenses. If he moves, I don't think this marriage will survive. I don't think at this point I want it to. He has really disappointed me with this.

We have lived together for almost 9 years, married for 6. We have never been apart from each other for more than 5 days in a row. I can count on one hand the number of nights I have slept in our bed with out him. I am the one that usually travels. I have no safety network here. My sister with four little kids will not have the time for me. My neighbor and friend is moving. So I will just be alone. I have a handful of good friends, but I am not sure they are the types that will give you a shot in your tookus, everyday for 10 weeks. I will need to learn to do that. I have one or two girlfriends that would be willing to meet me in an emergency room and hold my hand, maybe. I just wish I was in Austin with my mom and sister. Or in Houston with my friends and my dad and step-mother. I don't have anyone that I would trust with the kind of things that M would be there for.

I think I am going to travel this week and take a few days away to reevaluate and regroup.

I need to try to sleep. It is 4:00am and I have just been stewing in this. I feel totally out of control of the situation and I hate that.