Wednesday, September 16, 2009
None made it to freeze. I have nothing left out of 26. I lost 24 of them. How does this happen? We had 17 going into day 5, we tranferred two and none made it. I am desparate for one or both of these babies to make it. I won't feel secure until I have a baby screaming to be fed. Then I will have a whole other set of issues. I am just so dissappointed that I lost them all and it makes me question how these two are any different. I knew what my chances were, but will the number of fertilized I just thought that we had gotten around my infertility issues. I am not going to try again... it will be time to start the adoption process. I can't do this again. I should have stayed in with accupuncture. I don't know what went wrong... I am sooo sad. Poor M, had to leave for San Antonio. I tried to hold back my tears until he left. He came back in to get the keys and I was bawling. He didn't want to go, but he has to make his flight. I don't want him to worry about me. It sucks that my dad was right. I should have kept all of this to myself. I did everything but buy signs for my car advertising what we were doing. Please God, please let there be a sticky baby in there. This is awful, I am so done with infertility treatments.
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2 comments:
Don't lose hope chica. I am blowing all kinds of sticky dust your way. I think they all just wanted to be safe in your womb and the ones you got are keepers. Don't lose faith Deb and stop blaming yourself. Big (((hugs))) sweetie.
I know JUST how you feel. But there is nothing you can do now but wait so don't beat yourself up (ha!). Just wait. Doesn't it feel weird to be so uber-involved and doing a million things for IVF then to suddenly just wait?
Just take it easy the next few days and do whatever you can for yourself emotionally. It's all that can be done. The outcome is out of your control, and has pretty much already happened- you just don't know the result yet.
I'd call in sick to work, but if you do work, don't let the Sabbath issue be a factor against the result. I am so guilty of that, but I've decided that God would never let a minor slip like that strip you of all the work and prayers you've put into this huge endeavor thus far.
PS- I said I'd never do IVF again after my first time but then I did; declared I wouldn't again, and now we're gearing up for it a third time. You feel that way now, but it might not be permanent. Don't add the stress of "this is our only shot ever!". Take it as it comes. Good luck Honey. Remember, you only need one good one :)
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