Update: Went in on Monday and I am responding well. They are not 100% optimistic, but this is where we are so... I have continued with the three drugs. I go in tomorrow for another blood test. I am bruised up like a drug addict. I also got a flu shot today, my arm hurts.
I went today for my acupuncture appointment. Today she hooked the needles around my pelvis up to an electric current. It didn't hurt, just feel like vibrations. So, I took my IPOD again. I ended up listening to "Fix You" by Coldplay. I started to cry. I am not really a Coldplay fan although I don't mind them. Actually I am really behind on current music, since I listen to a lot of talk radio.
Matt played it for me on one of our car trips and said that he thought of me with this song.
I just started crying laying there, listening to that song. I pictured our journey over the last 9 years together. I thought of the over 50 negative pregnancy tests, shots, tests, blood draws ultrasounds, side effects, sadness, desperation, and false hope. Then I pictured my belly getting bigger every month and giving birth and then Matt rocking our baby. I just tried to focus on that.
I talked to my ovaries and my follies and my eggies. "Come on little ones. Come on. Daddy and Mommy are waiting for you." I could seriously feel them pulsating. It is hard to grasp the concept that I cannot make a baby. I am starting to cry just thinking of those little single cell eggs getting big and strong. I have done everything asked of me. Next week it will be out of my hands. I am praying to God that one of those little ones is ours to keep and raise.
"Come on little baby, Lights will guide you home."
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Oh sweetie, you made me get all teary eyed reading this post. I am praying too that you will get to see Matt cradle your baby. Hopefully it will be a good things come to those that wait kinda thing :) When is dee day?
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