My rant.

More flipping out... I am just so sad and angry. I am so tired of people being rude and inconsiderate. I am tired of someone, needing a baby aspirin and claiming they know what I am going through. I lost a baby at 11 weeks. It happened years ago, I don't like to talk about it, we don't publicize it. I feel like it was my fault, that is as far as I will go in explaining it all.

The reason I bring this up is that as much as I have struggled to get pregnant, I don't pretend to understand what someone with Azooaspermia, meaning NO sperm, are going through. It is different and though I feel pain, I can't imagine what that must be like. Still, most of us with true infertility, meaning can't get pregnant on their own, can sympathize. I produce eggs they just don't get fertilized, I don't pretend to understand what it must be like not to ovulate. It sucks all the way around.

So, there is this feeling of entitlement in the IF community. Because you have had a tough time, you can be an a-hole to others. I go to the baby showers, I see ALL of my friends getting pregnant, the many Christmas cards with their kids proudly featured, I face that this is their reality. Someday, I will have a big fat belly with a baby in it, God willing. When I go out, there will be women who give me that sad, wanting , jealous look. They will have no idea that I went through the 50+ blood draws, 30 + self injections of medication, 20+ internal ultrasounds, IUI's, multiple surgical proceedures, broken hearts, disappointment, anger, and up to $25,000 out of pocket for all of this (all in 1 year mind you). This is my path. There are no guarantees.

I can't Sh** on someone else, because they got pregnant easily, or with little help. That is their path. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to see it, but that is their path, this is mine.

I need a drink.